The Dreaded Tanning Bed of Doom
by Kyoku
Summary: What happenes when 3 American girls get sucked into a tanning-bed portal and end up in Japan with a flute-playing tabby, 5 ancient warriors, a bear trap, and a couple of dancing termites? Can we say chaos? Yes.. I think we can


~*~Hajime~*~  
  
Ohayoo, minna-san! ::waves:: A few notes before I begin my warped parody of what happens when 5 unsuspecting Ronins meet up with 3 girls from the future, their blonde, flute-playing kitty, a bear trap and a multi- facial tanning bed – I do not own Ronin Warriors, nor do I claim to have taken part in distribution, creation, or.. uh.. anything else. ^_^ Don't sue me, onegai… unless you'd like a handful of packing peanuts and some dryer lint. ::peace::  
  
Another tiny thing: my story is, in fact, based on 3 real people and a few real events. The people happen to be good friends of mine, (if they knew about this story.. well, that fact could be questioned ^^;;;) and any other events or any such things that might show striking resemblance to reality are TOTALLY coincidental. So, keeping these things in mind, do enjoy my story, mmkay? It's purely for humor purposes, so don't let any occurrences in it bother you. I'm not out to get anyone, so please dun flame me. Or I'll cry. ::sad face:: So…with all the disclaimers out of the way, off to the story!  
  
~*~Owari~*~  
  
  
  
Chapter One:  
  
  
  
Ah, peace at last.  
  
It was a lovely summery morning. The sun beamed brightly on the apartment buildings of New York, and little puffs of ghostly steam could be seen spiraling their way from the dark macadam to the blue, clear sky above. The few birds seen in this part of the city were also starting to make their grand appearance in the tiny trees lining the sidewalks and parks. Singing their songs of romance and promise, they flittered from sprig to sprig, looking for their new summer knotholes.  
  
* SNAP *  
  
"AHHHH!!! There's a BEAR TRAP IN MY UNDERWEAR DRAWER!"  
  
"Hahahahaha! Let's see your Barney bikini survive THIS one!"  
  
"Tooku, I'm gonna come down their and SKIN YOU ALIVE! You little AMOEBOID FREAK!!"  
  
* STOMP STOMP STOMP… SLIIIIIIIP *  
  
* CRASH BANG POW WHOOOOOMP *  
  
Ahhh yes, another sign of the season. Misaki and her little brother Tooku, battling once more over the 'bear trap buried in my thongs' tradition. It wasn't uncommon to hear the crashes that followed, nor the pitiful shrieks as Misaki, after un-embedding her face from the 1st floor landing, lashed her brother to the ironing board, and mercilessly hung the tiny boy out the attic window by a leg of her pantyhose.  
  
"This is rape! I'm telling mommy!" The boy whimpered as his sister smiled, clapping her hands together gleefully from inside the window.  
  
"Whoever'd rape you needs their eyes checked." She laughs. "I'll bring you down when I get home. I'm going tanning." She turned on her heel and scurried from the room, just to come face to face with the most dreaded beast ever –  
  
* SLAM POW BAM SMAACK CRAAAAAAAAAASH *  
  
the stairs. .  
  
And so begins our story.  
  
~*~*~*~  
  
"Such grace! Such poise! Such balance!" The warrior of wisdom couldn't keep his eyes off the performer. Her liquid movements were unsurpassed, her show of skill truly magnificent. "Have you ever seen anything so beautiful?"  
  
Rowen blinked rather pathetically behind his reading glasses and snorted. "Yeah, Sage. I admit, we have some pretty talented termites."  
  
"Hey! She's a cute termite!"  
  
"How do you know it's a she? Wait, do I really want to know?"  
  
"I really think you two need to get out more." Ryo skidded through the kitchen on his Spyro the Dragon socks, grabbing hold of the refrigerator door and hoisting himself to a stop. An action which, as well as almost yanking the fridge from it's spot on the wall, almost cost him a few teeth. "So, any plans today?"  
  
Rowen sighed and shook his head. "Do I ever? Same thing every day - baby sit that little hell-spawn upstairs until Mia gets home from work." He screws his face up into a frown and comically smacks his head off the table several times. "Life is cruel.."  
  
Sage laughs. "See? Wouldn't you rather be flirting with a 6-legged creature that likes to eat walls and live in sock drawers?"  
  
"That.. was a disturbing way of putting it.."  
  
"She has a cute sister-"  
  
"SAGE!"  
  
~*~*~  
  
~*~Hashirigaki no Owari~*~  
  
So, how do you like it? ::smiles nervously:: Short, I know. But I'm trying. I promise more's coming! I just hope you're enjoying it. If you are, please don't forget to review! These things keep me going, no da. =^^=  
  
Ja! 


End file.
